He is such a busy boy now- always running around, exploring, and climbing on everything.
We had his 18 month checkup yesterday. He still weighs in around 22 lbs. His doctor was a little concerned that he hadn't gained any weight, but I think it's because he is so active now. If he doesn't gain some weight soon he may have to drink a Pediasure everyday so it's not a huge deal.
Everything else was great. Developmentally he is right on track. He is saying about 10-12 words now, including Mama, Dada, night night, bye, hello, all done, go, banana, etc.
He loves playing with cars, blocks, and trains.
He wears 18-24 month size clothing, size 6 shoe, and size 4 diapers. He is definitely long and lean.
His favorite foods are bananas, chicken nuggets, carrots, and spaghetti. Though there aren't many foods that he won't eat. He has a good appetite.
Sleep and naps are a mess right now but we are working on it.
He is starting to show some signs of tantrums and tries to bite us frequently. We are trying to put a stop to that. His bites hurt!
We love our sweet Miller man and enjoy his precious little personality so much!
October is easily my favorite month. The weather, the scents, the clothes... I love fall. I haven't updated the blog lately because chasing two busy toddlers all day doesn't allow for much down time.
We have been busy lately spending nice days at the park....
Playing with cars...
Running wild with a mini shopping cart. (Yes, that is a toddler safety harness (ok... it's a leash). When you have a wild toddler like Declan who likes to run off, a leash is just added security. Plus it allows him to have some freedom walking by himself, while giving me peace of mind.)
Loving on our dog, Millie...
Smiling for a rare photo opportunity for Mommy...
Playing in the play area at the mall on the rainy days...
Playing with their new 3 foot tall racetrack...
Decorating a pumpkin for Lucas...
And lighting a candle for Lucas on Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day...
The busyness all started with an 8 hour road trip to visit family for a long weekend. It was good to see everyone but it was exhausting traveling with two toddlers. We had a great time though, and even got a date night out of it since we had plenty of babysitting offers.
Before we could unpack our bags, both boys get sick with upper respiratory infections. A couple of antibiotics and steroid dose pack later (holy cow! Toddler roid rage is intense!!), they were on the mend... until.... they got Hand, Foot, Mouth Disease. My poor babies. Sores all over their mouths, throats, hands, face, and feet. Fevers of 103+ for days. Every time they would try to eat or drink something, they would scream in pain. Plus, Miller is cutting 2 molars. It is terrible seeing your child so miserable.
Thomas and I both ended up getting HFMD as well. I can attest that it is, indeed, a miserable disease.
Everyone seems to be feeling much better now. We are planning a low key weekend because next week will be a busy one, full of doctor appointments.
Have I ever said how much I do not like being busy? It's the introvert in me, I guess. I get overwhelmed and just want to go home and unwind.
This post isn't a normal lighthearted post, so if you're not looking to read some serious thoughts, go ahead and skip this one.
Anxiety. Something I have struggled with my entire life. I don't normally talk about it because of all the stigmas attached to anxiety, but it is part of my life. I stay up at night a lot worrying about things that are completely irrational and out of my control. Losing a child has amplified my anxiety. Lately, I have lost a lot of sleep worrying about a myriad of things. I haven't felt peace in a long time.
This week, I went grocery shopping by myself. I was about halfway through my shopping when, on the radio in the store, I hear the song I used to sing to Lucas.
"Back to Pooh Corner" was a song I grew up listening to. It was mine and Lucas' song. I never sang it to Declan or Miller, just Lucas. It was our special song. Each of my boys has a special song that I sing to only them. I think I've heard "Back to Pooh Corner" on the radio maybe once or twice in the past few years. When I heard it in the grocery store this week, I couldn't control the tears. It brought back so many memories of me singing it to him and holding his precious little hand. I quickly paid for my groceries and proceeded to walk out of the store, when I look up and see a mom walking in with identical twin boys around Miller's age.
Of course, I start crying even more and I call my mom. She said something to me that had not occurred to me before- maybe that was a little way of Luke saying hello to me. He knew twins would get my attention.
Fast forward to yesterday. Thomas and I visited a new church with friends. On the way to church, we were talking and we agreed that we need some peace and joy in our lives again. We immediately felt at home at this new church. During the service, the preacher announced the birth of- you guessed it- new identical twin boys born to someone who went to church there. And then on the big screen is a picture of a mother holding her sweet twins.
Then the preacher started talking about the song "It is Well with My Soul."
He talked about the man who wrote this beautiful song, Horacio Spafford. He was a successful lawyer with a wife and 5 children. In 1870, his son died from scarlet fever. A couple years later Horacio, his wife, and their 4 daughters planned a trip. His wife and daughters went ahead of him on the trip after last minute business plans held him back for a few days. Their ship sank and all of their daughters drowned. His wife survived. When he was on his way to be with his grieving wife, the crew of the ship asked if he would like to stop by the spot where his daughters drowned to pay his respects. That spot is where he wrote the lyrics to "It is Well with My Soul."
The preacher talked about joy and peace. To be honest, I didn't ever feel like I would know peace again. Joy was a different story. Thomas, Declan, and Miller bring me endless joy every single day. But peace, that's something I hadn't felt in ages.
I felt peace yesterday. For so long, I was feeling like God dealt me this really bad hand in life and then just forgot about me. I felt that sadness that you feel in the pit of your stomach. That pain that just doesn't go away. Here we are, 13 months later and I still feel that deep sadness and it seems like everyone else has just moved on and forgotten about my beloved little boy.
I am sure I will always struggle with anxiety and sadness. But it was nice to feel some peace yesterday and to actually feel that that sermon was meant for me to hear. I felt that God was telling me that He truly wants me to have joy and peace.
1. This little guy and his curly hair. I have no idea where he gets his curls from. My hair isn't naturally straight, but it isn't curly either. Thomas claims his hair was never curly as a child either. I sure do love seeing Miller's curls spring up after washing his hair.
2. Pretty sure my kiddos wrote this.
I'm so tired. So is Thomas. It's just been rough adjusting to Thomas' new schedule. He is working full-time and going to school full-time. I know he is so worn out. He graduates in May, so there is at least a light at the end of the tunnel, but he is struggling with going on so little sleep. Some days he is lucky to be getting 5 hours of sleep. I'm tired for different reasons. I feel physically exhausted from being sick this week and chasing after two toddlers. Oh yeah, Miller is WALKING now. Go, Miller! It amazes me how much energy toddlers have. I wish I had some of their energy.
3. I shopped at a huge consignment sale today for children's clothing, toys, etc. I walked away with enough long sleeved shirts, pants, jackets, sweaters, pajamas, and coats for each boy for the fall/winter season plus a baby book for Miller (is it bad that it took me 15 months to get him one?), a pair of shoes, and a set of Lightning McQueen and Mater chairs, all for under $75. They do this particular consignment sale twice a year (once with fall/winter items and once with spring/summer items) and it's my favorite.
4. My grandmother sent Thomas some birthday money last week so he bought a Keurig that was marked down on sale. How did we ever live without this thing? We both love coffee (okay, I love coffee... Thomas likes what I call fancy coffee. He adds so much stuff to it that it doesn't even taste like coffee anymore), but we can't drink a whole pot of coffee so this is perfect. Plus the Keurig is red which matches my kitchen decor. Bonus.
5. Our air conditioner in our car is out, and has been for about a week or so. We have someone who is going to fix it for a good deal, but he is sick so we are just waiting for him to let us know when he is better. Why is it that air conditioners always seem to go out during July/August? Here in the South, that is not a good time to be without air!
1. Thomas and I celebrated 5 years of marriage on July 10. Hard to believe it's been 5 years! I can honestly say that I love him even more now than I did back then. The more I get to know him each and every day, the more thankful I am that God put Thomas in my life.
Wedding picture, circa 2009. Young and so baby-faced. We were all of 21 and 22 years old!
2. Speaking of the hubster, Happy Birthday to Thomas!
3. Bless his little heart. Last weekend, Miller started to run a fever and we attributed it to teething. He had been drooling excessively and chewing on anything he could. Two days later his fever spiked to almost 105, so we took him to the pediatrician. The doctor checked everything, including running a complete blood count, and he said it was probably a virus. Two days later and no improvement, my mommy instinct told me to take him back and sure enough the little guy had an ear infection and a really red throat.
Poor little guy, his fever was so high that we stripped him down to just a diaper to try and cool him off on the way to the pediatrician's office.
I'm glad I went with my gut feeling because he felt terrible. The picture below is what he looked like for almost 5 days. He would just lay in my arms and cried constantly. It broke my heart.
Now that he has been on an antibiotic and ear drops, he is back to his normal self.
4. Saw a llama while we were driving home from the grocery store.
5. It was such a beautiful day today! Almost felt like a fall day. Wish that weather would last!
How has it been 1 year since I held you in my arms and kissed your sweet face?
My heart hurts even writing these words. I miss you so much, Lucas. I hope you know how loved you were and always will be. I hope you know how much you are a part of this family. You truly enriched our lives more than anyone will ever know.
Mommy's heart is so heavy today. Tell Jesus to give you lots of hugs today since Mommy can't.
We love you baby boy. We are so proud of the strength and courage you showed every single day you were here.
